Archive September 30, 2014

How do I comes to terms with the facts that my life, my money and my time went to inner city kids and not all I have is emptiness. I had to give up my job my career. I always looked at other teachers, who treated teaching like a 9-5 job, as not committed, but in actuality they were totally correct. Teaching can be all consuming and now I have to come to terms with having no family because of it.

I have to work on my own happiness. I make a decision and let other people influence me, even though I know that decision feels good. Sometimes you have to take a risk and little jump. That has always been so hard for me! Always…..then working for MPS, nothing is certain at all. You always live with ” what will their next decision be” and it’s hard living with so much upheaval all the time and new partner teachers, new principals, hard hard hard

Then when you make a depiction about work, life, and play and you second guess yourself all the time….then people make you second guess yourself even more…..it’s hard…and I hate it. Letting other people opinions and beliefs cloud my own. I have to be stronger. I just have to be.

Alone in the night, not able to sleep.
My thought to myself as up they creep.
The past, the future, in the still of the night
I listen to silence with happiness and delight
The tween times is here, no one stirs
All I hear is the fan and a few purrs.
The cats are in bed and the dog fast in slumbers
No one calls and the clock’s face is just numbers
I am by myself with no one awake
It’s just to do whatever for my own sake
I can listen, I can watch, or read a little
I can can write, do my blog, or take just a nibble
My life is my own late in the hour
Nothing to bother me, no one to devour.
I lay on my bed, the soft light all a glow
Wondering what to do or just take it slow

My newest great grand nephew

Zayden

Sometimes I am made to feel useless and like nothing. I can’t stand up for myself and I let myself get beaten over and over and over with words and threats and I hate it.