Archive September 7, 2014

I have to trust, I have to trust…..I can do this. I can go on and make the best decisions for me

I think I need to sell my new house. I cannot take people being mean to me or calling me names and I can’t take it when I make a decision and D doesn’t like it. It just kills me. I second guess myself anyway so this just makes it worse.

The house is coming along

Before

After

Wasn’t a bad day today, I did some errands. I didn’t get them all done but I did get to rest and just veg a few hours. I got to plan my little secret library. I got the greatest idea for it. The inside of a Genie’s bottle…..how cool and magical is that?

However, then night came and I went to pick up a door I had bought on Facebook and the hell began and it stayed and stayed and stayed and finally I had enough name calling and enough abuse and I came home and took a hot hot bath and washed all the bad things away and I went and layed down and covered my head….and thought of nice peaceful ways to lay in my coffin and what I’d would be wearing. Maybe god doesn’t have a plan maybe I am just really nothing at all

I know we are not meant to see what is ahead of us by too far but I can’t believe I was meant to live in abuse my whole life. I can’t believe that would actually be a plan for me….

September was always a hard month. It’s a back to school month. No matter how cool or hot is one in summer, it was worse in September. I always died going back to a hot
Not air conditioned building that had been closed all summer. At the end if the day I would be hot, tired, miserable and dehydrated. I loved the kids but that start up in the heat and the dust and dirt and grime, not to mention all the furniture moving, bulletin board putting up, planning and getting things ready way more then 16 hours a day really would take its toll.
I would hurt so much and what for, I have nothing to show for it but nice photos.

I guess my buying a foreclosed house and fixing it up was a a leap of faith. I don’t know. I used my saving for the house and now money is short and I have no back up. I took out a loan to pay for the updating the house. It’s $170 a month. I hope I did the right thing!

I know all to well that in a moment, in the blink of an eye, your whole life is different. It never stops amazing me……

I suppose things can change for the better but mostly the dramatic things are never for the better. One day your In a relationship and the next minute you’re not. One minute things are normal and the person you love the most is gone and you’ll never see them again.

My motto

Under the Tuscan Sun….

“I think your’r in danger of never recovering …..

You know when you come across on of those empty shell people and you think what the hell happened to you?

There comes a time in each of those lives when they were standing at a crossroads and had to decided whether to turn left or right…….

This is no time to be a chicken shit Frances…”