Archive September 10, 2014

I have to trust, I have to trust…..I can do this. I can go on and make the best decisions for me

I think I need to sell my new house. I cannot take people being mean to me or calling me names and I can’t take it when I make a decision and D doesn’t like it. It just kills me. I second guess myself anyway so this just makes it worse.

The house is coming along

Before

After

Wasn’t a bad day today, I did some errands. I didn’t get them all done but I did get to rest and just veg a few hours. I got to plan my little secret library. I got the greatest idea for it. The inside of a Genie’s bottle…..how cool and magical is that?

However, then night came and I went to pick up a door I had bought on Facebook and the hell began and it stayed and stayed and stayed and finally I had enough name calling and enough abuse and I came home and took a hot hot bath and washed all the bad things away and I went and layed down and covered my head….and thought of nice peaceful ways to lay in my coffin and what I’d would be wearing. Maybe god doesn’t have a plan maybe I am just really nothing at all

I know we are not meant to see what is ahead of us by too far but I can’t believe I was meant to live in abuse my whole life. I can’t believe that would actually be a plan for me….

September was always a hard month. It’s a back to school month. No matter how cool or hot is one in summer, it was worse in September. I always died going back to a hot
Not air conditioned building that had been closed all summer. At the end if the day I would be hot, tired, miserable and dehydrated. I loved the kids but that start up in the heat and the dust and dirt and grime, not to mention all the furniture moving, bulletin board putting up, planning and getting things ready way more then 16 hours a day really would take its toll.
I would hurt so much and what for, I have nothing to show for it but nice photos.