Archive March 31, 2014

Weather in Wisconsin……is crazy and this years was really crazy. Three polar vortexes that keeps us in minus 65 degree weather this winter and played havoc an all sorts of things….well today it was 60. And while it won’t last long and it’s will only be here for a little while….I wore a sling jacket and did two walks. One with a friend after acupuncture, and one with the dogs.

It was so nice and on our walk David pointed out the buds on the lilac bush AND the 3 inch sprouts on the bulbs at the corner house. Wow spring is actually on it way even though the rest of the week, cold, snowy and rainy. When I was very depressed after being assaulted, David would say “you have to stop this, you have start appreciating the things around you again like the flowers, birds and sunsets.” I thought he was crazy but he wasn’t. I was letting the world go by just like Bella after Edward left her in the second Twilight movie, and the world spinned around her…she was so detached. That’s how I felt,… and to survive I detached from everything…..and the world spinned around me….
I didn’t mind the polar vortexes this year, once you get used to the cold and your body adjusts, it’s not that bad, but I am starting to notice and appreciate things again. I want to be less isolated and more in time with the world. I missed it.

I have to learn how to make this

Look at the carnation!

These are my little girls. Creamy and Coffee. They are my life. I love them. I rescued them from a shelter who rescued them from a puppy mill. I never realized how much they would grow and change. Coffee was about 8 weeks old when I got her. Creamy was 5 and a breeder dog for the puppy mill. Coffee doesn’t remember it there but Creamy she has grown and changed so much! She is OCD. she must have a pattern and repetition makes her feel safe but she has learned so many things about the outside world and life.

Bonnie said that she only adopts adult puppy mill dogs out to family with fenced in yards. If they escape they are so afraid of the outside world they will find a hiding place where they feel safe and starve there. They will not seek out food and water. I though if Creamy discovered the sun, grass, sky, and yard if she lived her life there I would be happy for her. But she wanted to do more. My vet said she would learn more from the other dogs than she would from me. My little Chocolate Chip taught her a lot and she leaned a lot from watching Coffee grow and learn new things. Well she decided she wanted to try to go on walks. At first she lived on the back of my legs now she’s at the end of the leash ” checking it out” she loves the yard and loves going in the van! Barking all the time but oh doesn’t she love going….going….going! She has a booster seat in the car so she can see everything and her favorite thing is cruising altitude. 50 mph or over. She loves beds, and pillows and treats, she knew none of it and she thought pillows were freaky but now she loves them watching her grow and change and learn has been a wonderful learning experience for me. We are learning together.

Creamy, Me and Coffee

We didn’t get chemo today, Coffee’s nutrifill count was too low. The last time it was low it was 341, they can’t give chemo unless it’s 1500 or more. This week it was 1231. So not nearly as low as last time. So they will adjust next weeks chemo when we go. This blood count rebounds rapidly, so I expect it will be good next week. If it gets too low, she could go into anemia. We don’t want that.

On the other hand we are very good at packing and peanut butter sandwiches are a favorite for lunch while we drive home from chemo. We also have hit good weather but today is was gusty winds and we hit a rain snow mix. Luckily nothing that hampered driving. It’s hard to believe we have been through two months already.

Sometimes the award winning science teacher in me gets conflicted with the Cherokee in me. Most of the time I am balanced and my qui is feels balancd….but sometimes I get unbalanced. Hard line to walk sometimes.

Coffee is very lucky. She has many people all over the country helping with her cancer battle. Dr. Hauser at Falls Chiropractic (for humans) helped put a wellness plan together for her. Greens drink, melatonin, and vitamin d12 drops. Then my friend from Florida told me that asparagus is a great anti cancer food, so I will start cooking that and making a paste. And today my friend Marla from Utah helped me order of Protande. Most of these are dietary supplements. David drove to Holiday Hill Shrine, and got blessed holy water for her. So lots of friends and family looking out for my little one. Thank you family!

Walking is good wellness…guess I do most of the walking!

The only thing stronger than fear is hope.

When you are battling cancer this is the only thing that is true. Beat the odds.

Coffee doesn’t feel good this week. Her fifth chemo treatment was hard on her.

Coffee is resting.

MAY THE ODDS BE FOREVER IN YOUR FAVOR

I found this article from www.lifehack.com . It was “13 things To Remember when life gets rough”.

I like what is, IS. Don’t resist change…..Either Accept it and let go of it or make yourself miserable by obsessing over it. Isn’t this so true….I am a fighter. I learned to be a fighter…I had no choice growing up bunt learn to be tough. When you have a violent situation like the one I grew up in, you become a fighter. A fighter definitely resists what is.

It’s a problem if you think it is. We definitely are our own worst enemy.

Don’t compare yourself to other. Teachers are moratoriums for this.

I am not a victim. I am a creator of my own experiences.

Understand and be grateful. This last year and the last few years I am more grateful for to everything. Especially when good things happens and when money matters get a little help.

Allow yourself to be happy and to experience joy. I have to find happy on little things, in simple things. Moment by moment.

Appreciate the moments. In the last few year in the middle of all this chaos I had to appreciate the moments. I appreciate the time I had with my dogs, Cupcake and Chocolate Chip and Cosmo Kitty. We got to spend a lot of quality time together. I appreciate time I spend with friends. I appreciate that I have a roof over my head, food to eat, and my family.

Be greatful from your fears. What’s more powerful that fear…..HOPE. My friend Pandora always hated her name. ( the box that opened and let out the worlds evils). She had a conversation with a priest on vacation and he told her the rest of the story of Pandora and her box. When the box was empty and you could see the bottom. What was left in the box…HOPE. that is why her mother named her Pandora Hope. She never knew the story of her name.

If you want things to change, start changing yourself.

There are no failures, only learning opportunities.

If you don’t get what you want, it just means something better is coming. I guess that why I like the song ” unanswered prayers”

Believe anything is possible. Look for those Godwinks.

Never give up.

Cheer me up candy came chair

I am siting squarely in the road that forgiving and letting go are two different things. Forgiving is an art of saying what you did is ok, I forgive you. I can’t forgive my Dad for the hell he put me thru when I was young, but letting go and moving on is something I excel at. I could let go with my childhood horoscope and when dad died we were good friends. Did I forgive him no, did I let it go and move on..yes. Not the same thing. They say if your don’t forgive, it eats you up inside….not true. You can let go and still be at peace with the past. You can move on to the future. Dad and I became friends, we spent summers together. When he died March 8, 2000, it was the longest summer I have ever spent. If it hadn’t been for the Harry Potter books I don’t know where I’d be. (that’s another story) I moved one to the furture without holding on to the past. Did I ever say to Dad what you did was alright I forgive you…NEVER? Did I say to him, that we started over. That I cauldron do.

Letting go is good.