Archive March 27, 2014

We didn’t get chemo today, Coffee’s nutrifill count was too low. The last time it was low it was 341, they can’t give chemo unless it’s 1500 or more. This week it was 1231. So not nearly as low as last time. So they will adjust next weeks chemo when we go. This blood count rebounds rapidly, so I expect it will be good next week. If it gets too low, she could go into anemia. We don’t want that.

On the other hand we are very good at packing and peanut butter sandwiches are a favorite for lunch while we drive home from chemo. We also have hit good weather but today is was gusty winds and we hit a rain snow mix. Luckily nothing that hampered driving. It’s hard to believe we have been through two months already.

Sometimes the award winning science teacher in me gets conflicted with the Cherokee in me. Most of the time I am balanced and my qui is feels balancd….but sometimes I get unbalanced. Hard line to walk sometimes.

Coffee is very lucky. She has many people all over the country helping with her cancer battle. Dr. Hauser at Falls Chiropractic (for humans) helped put a wellness plan together for her. Greens drink, melatonin, and vitamin d12 drops. Then my friend from Florida told me that asparagus is a great anti cancer food, so I will start cooking that and making a paste. And today my friend Marla from Utah helped me order of Protande. Most of these are dietary supplements. David drove to Holiday Hill Shrine, and got blessed holy water for her. So lots of friends and family looking out for my little one. Thank you family!

Walking is good wellness…guess I do most of the walking!

The only thing stronger than fear is hope.

When you are battling cancer this is the only thing that is true. Beat the odds.

Coffee doesn’t feel good this week. Her fifth chemo treatment was hard on her.

Coffee is resting.

MAY THE ODDS BE FOREVER IN YOUR FAVOR

I found this article from www.lifehack.com . It was “13 things To Remember when life gets rough”.

I like what is, IS. Don’t resist change…..Either Accept it and let go of it or make yourself miserable by obsessing over it. Isn’t this so true….I am a fighter. I learned to be a fighter…I had no choice growing up bunt learn to be tough. When you have a violent situation like the one I grew up in, you become a fighter. A fighter definitely resists what is.

It’s a problem if you think it is. We definitely are our own worst enemy.

Don’t compare yourself to other. Teachers are moratoriums for this.

I am not a victim. I am a creator of my own experiences.

Understand and be grateful. This last year and the last few years I am more grateful for to everything. Especially when good things happens and when money matters get a little help.

Allow yourself to be happy and to experience joy. I have to find happy on little things, in simple things. Moment by moment.

Appreciate the moments. In the last few year in the middle of all this chaos I had to appreciate the moments. I appreciate the time I had with my dogs, Cupcake and Chocolate Chip and Cosmo Kitty. We got to spend a lot of quality time together. I appreciate time I spend with friends. I appreciate that I have a roof over my head, food to eat, and my family.

Be greatful from your fears. What’s more powerful that fear…..HOPE. My friend Pandora always hated her name. ( the box that opened and let out the worlds evils). She had a conversation with a priest on vacation and he told her the rest of the story of Pandora and her box. When the box was empty and you could see the bottom. What was left in the box…HOPE. that is why her mother named her Pandora Hope. She never knew the story of her name.

If you want things to change, start changing yourself.

There are no failures, only learning opportunities.

If you don’t get what you want, it just means something better is coming. I guess that why I like the song ” unanswered prayers”

Believe anything is possible. Look for those Godwinks.

Never give up.

Cheer me up candy came chair

I am siting squarely in the road that forgiving and letting go are two different things. Forgiving is an art of saying what you did is ok, I forgive you. I can’t forgive my Dad for the hell he put me thru when I was young, but letting go and moving on is something I excel at. I could let go with my childhood horoscope and when dad died we were good friends. Did I forgive him no, did I let it go and move on..yes. Not the same thing. They say if your don’t forgive, it eats you up inside….not true. You can let go and still be at peace with the past. You can move on to the future. Dad and I became friends, we spent summers together. When he died March 8, 2000, it was the longest summer I have ever spent. If it hadn’t been for the Harry Potter books I don’t know where I’d be. (that’s another story) I moved one to the furture without holding on to the past. Did I ever say to Dad what you did was alright I forgive you…NEVER? Did I say to him, that we started over. That I cauldron do.

Letting go is good.

Day after chemo 5, starting round 2. Coffee doesn’t feel good today. She’s very tired and doesn’t want to eat. She really didn’t even want LSD ( liver sausage delight ). I went and got her hamburger, different liver sausage and little summer sausage bites. She’s eating a little here and there. I have her a nausea pill and she’s very tired. She wanted to go for a walk so I let her walk a little and then she got pushed the rest of the way.

Coffee is not feeling good today. She doesn’t want to eat ( just liver sausage) and she’s tired. She went for a “push” today. Fresh air helps.[/

Week 7 – it’s been 7 weeks since our cancer diagnosis. 7 weeks of driving to Madison and dealing with blood, blood counts, chemo and learning about lymphoma in dogs. Coffee is one of the youngest dogs they treat, she has no side effects except that week have to stay to the nap schedule or she get over tired. We have to go to bed early too. She allows me to do quiet things but she doesn’t like the light on when she’s trying to sleep. We have to iPad under the comforter.

This is our first treatment in our second rotation of chemo treatments. We still have a long way to go. I am grateful for :

Smart doctors, a nice clinic, and caring people both in Madison and at home.

A great receptionist that allows us to change from Wednesdays to Thursdays depending on the snow flying.

Coffee’s cancer reacting very well to chemotherapy.

Coffee not having any side effects. Some dogs here are having such a hard time with chemo or radiation.

A new van that can make us comfortable driving 90 miles each way to chemo and only 90 miles. People here come as far away as Illinois, Iowa and Michigan. Today we met someone who drives 12 hours to get here.

When we had the budget crunch last year me forgetting to cancel the ASPCA health insurance on Coffee. It’s the first time one of my pets had health insurance but they are paying a portion.
So if the bill is &300 and they only allow $200 for that service. They pay 80% of that $200.

Really great family and friends who care so much that last week when we had a chemo break and I didn’t post on Facebook, even the Avon lady called to see about Coffee!

Waiting for chemo, lots of big dogs today.

Classroom poster

I used to have this poster hanging behind my desk at school. It was too complicated for the kids to understand but toxic thoughts will really eat you away. I am trying my best to let go, and move forward. I don’t really have a clear line of sight or a ending destination. I am a person who always needs to have the ending goal established firmly in my mind to reach it. I knew what the decorations I did for the school would look like. I knew what the family nights I planned would look like. I could visualize them in my head. I can’t visualize where my path is going right now and it’s hard.

I have to stop looking at life like I am a victim. It makes me feel vulnerable and ashamed and somehow I have to get past that. I really do.

I have to stop looking at other things. Dad used to say nothing was good enough for me, and I always wanted more. He was right.

I have to let go of being a teacher and be something else. God I let that job define me and that was wrong. Of course it took up almost every waking moment, until I fell into bed but I am not a teacher anymore. What am I?
I guess I need so new positive thoughts!