Archive February 14, 2014

Today is Valentine’s Day 2014

DO NOT DWELL IN THE PAST
DO NOT DREAM OF THE FUTURE
CONCENTRATE THE MIND ON THE PRESENT MOMENT. Buddha

For today when love is in the air…..or it should be……live for today, enjoy yourself, tell someone you love them and give someone a compliment. It only takes a moment to make someone’s day a nice day. Do that for someone today.

Valentine made with Shutterfly

I have a family of rescue animals, let me introduce them:

Chocolate Chip (pomeranian) is the dark brown dog. I rescued him from a family that did not want him anymore. He was wonderful and we lost him in July to heart disease. Chip was 13. While they could not operate on his bad valve in his heart, he did help proves the drug Vetmedin I’d a wonderful miracle drug for dogs with heart conditions.

Cosmo ( white cat ) was rescued from Ozaukee Humane Society in Wisconsin. He was the longest living cat with diabetes our vet has ever had. 9 years of insulin twice a day. We lost him last Monday. He was over 15 years old.

Noodles and Pasta ( black cat and black & white cat) came to live with me when my friend died. Her family didn’t want them and they were trapped by animal control. They live with me now, they mourned her for weeks and I didn’t think they would pull through losing her. I have never seen animals mourn the way they did. They live under assumed identities.

Chai kitty is the grey cat. He lived outside with his friend Latte and we fed them as neighborhood cats. However, last summer we had a little boy in the neighborhood that went around swinging a baseball bat, and one day Chai kitty ended up on my steps with his head bashed in, with the shape of a baseball bat handle indented on his skull. After 36 stitches and the vet says a cracked eye socket along with partial blinded eye, he now lives in the house with me. He wouldn’t be able to survive on his own. He is a carrier of feline leukemia so all the cats in the house need to be kept up with their vaccinations. With appropriate vaccinations, from what I read, the other cats have less then 1% chance of acquiring the disease. Latte still lives outside but this year she has a heated cat house, without it I don’t know if she would have made it through the 2013-2014 polar vortex weather we had.

The black kitten in the red sweater was found while we went for a walk in October, the weekend of Halloween. I couldn’t leave a small seven month old kitten by himself on Halloween weekend in twenty degree weather. I looked all over for his family but the vet said, when kittens get to be this age and are not cute anymore…..people just put them out. So his name is Macaroni. We call him “Little Mac”. Chai has appointed himself Mac’s nanny.

Coffee is my red dog. (Part Pekinese and part Chihuahua) She was rescued from a puppy mill as a puppy. Puppy mills are the worst and Coffee was given to the shelter so they could raise money for the shelter. (She wasn’t perfect, she has a slight lazy eye and puppy mills can’t sell imperfect puppies.) The shelter can ask for higher fee for puppies and anything wrong with the puppy is corrected before adoption. When a puppy is not perfect a puppy mill can’t sell them. They won’t spend money on the imperfect ones so they are drowned in buckets. “Bucket dogs” they are called.

Creamy my white dog with Carmel mask (pomeranian) also came from the same shelter. She was a rescued breeder dog. She never saw the sun or grass or the sky. She had no idea what life was like outside a xerox size crate. She now has a wonderful life. I was told that if puppy mills dogs escape they are so afraid of the outside world…..they will put themselves in a corner where they feel safe and starve themselves there. They are so scared they will not look for food or water. I thought ,well, if I can get her to go in the yard and be happy, she will have a nice life. That was not enough for her….she walks, rides in her stroller, rides in a car…..she loves to be with me and she loves to be tucked in at night. She is a pillow puff princess. She has learned so much in her life. I wish I could be like her more.

I think I belong in that movie “We Bought A Zoo”

Last but not least….three African Waters Frogs…Cheeto, Frito, and Dorito. They were hatched by my third graders 25 years ago. They live in a 55 gallon tank in my kitchen. Two green and one white. The company said we would be lucky to get them to live a year….going on 26 years now. There life span in their native area is 99 years and they get as big a tire. I need to put them in my will.

YOU WILL SEE ME USE “WE” TALKING ABOUT CANCER BECAUSE CANCER DOES NOT JUST EFFECT ONE PERSON OR ONE PET, IT IMPACTS THE WHOLE FAMILY. IF YOU LIVE IN MY FAMILY YOU NEVER WALK A PATH ALONE.

Today we have our second chemo treatment using the Madison method of small animal cancer treatments. Our cancer vet is Dr. Pellin and she is very kind. Everyone at the U.W.Madison Veterinary Hospital is kind. We have learned so much in a week with cancer. SO MUCH, and I guess time had filled in the holes since I lost my brother to lymphoma and I remember that inside the big C circle we have to look for little rays of hope, little good things that happen, positive things……IT THE ONLY WAY TO SURVIVE….. A devastating diagnosis of CANCER.

Good list
They label the symptoms by letter. We are a letter “a” so we have no symptoms and Coffee doesn’t know she is sick.
We do not have cancer in our bone marrow.
We have perfect bloodwork.
We have B cell cancer not T cell cancer and those cells respond much more favorably to chemo treatment and for much longer periods of time.
We have not had any reaction to last weeks chemo treatment except being thirsty from the prednisone.
We have good credit so $4000 will eventually get paid off and we only have to pay as we go, not the whole lump at one time….whew…..
We drive to Madison once a week for treatments until May.
We have well wishes from family and friends around the world. FACEBOOK can be wonderful communication tool!
We have had many prayers and much love sent out way.

So so
We are in stage 3 so that means the cancer is on both side of the lymph system.

Here we go! To Madoson for cancer treatment. In the sun this week and 30 degrees!

I finished reading the book “Reinventing Yourself” by Puig.
It was an ok book, easy read. It’s basically about trying to control your emotions and to take your emotions out of and control them, thru meditation, prayer, imagery, and breathing. I have heard this a lot. Control your breathing, relax, “the body is the subconscious when you look after your body you are taking care of your mind and when you look after your mind you are taking care of your body.” Yes so true but my mind seems to control itself. I guess one has to be a victim of violence like I was four years ago when I was attacked, for anyone to understand what a victim mode is. It is such a raw emotional state, even when you think you are in control you’re not.

Here’s what the book says to do:
Maintain positive posture
Sleep enough.
Eat moderately
Break the sedentary habit and do physical exercise
Practice mindfulness thru meditation or prayer
Appreciate what is happening
Don’t waste time asking questions “why do I feel so bad” instead ask “what is wonderful about what I am going thru?” So we can search for a way out instead of getting trapped in emotions.

“IF WE WANT TO FEEL MORE ENERGY AND VITALITY, WE NEED TO BEAR IN MOND ALL OUR DIMENSIONS: Corporal, cognitive, affective, corporate and spiritual AS THEY ARE ALL INTERCONNECTED.” Puig

I guess as a victim that is correct everything is interconnected. I was forced to work for three years in the same building as someone who assaulted me. Had to see them everyday, hear them everyday and worse off when there we staff meetings, be in the same four walls with them. it killed me!!!
If I wanted my job I had no choice but to stay in building with them, as being the victim, and Steven walking away I was considered 50 percent of the altercation where I was assaulted. Never raising a hand but crying out, leaving to go get help, walking away and because I was in the situation, in that time and got pounded over and over with her fists, I was considered 50% the problem? EXPLAIN THE TO ME. is a rape victim half the problem? I will never understand that. It was so hard for me, my hair fell out, my stomach burned, I had constant diarrhea I couldn’t sleep, concentrating was impossible. To live in the situation was hideous and getting control of that raw primal fear almost impossible for me. I know that part of me will always be a victim. I had a violent childhood but I prevailed. I became strong. I taught children how to survive and become a survivor. I will prevail eventually over the victim mode from this assault. I will let it go and move on. Past experience probes this.

You know my dogs and cats and assorted rescued animals are my life. I raised other people’s kids at school and I had rescued pets at home. Some were classroom animals. I guess I don’t know how schools can ban pets in the classroom. I think in the right instance they let you teach so much to children about empathy and caring and nurturing and compassion. Inner city children need to learn these things……most don’t get those experiences at home…..and the kids need to experience those things. Usually the only thing they know about pets is Rottweilers and pit bulls and they are used to fight, not be companion animals.

I found this shirt at catalog classics magazine and ordered it. It is perfect for me.

$49.95 at www.catslogclassics.com

Coffee has been doing well. Her glands are actually shrinking in size so they are either reacting to the chemo or the prednisone. I guess that they are reacting at all is good, smaller is good. I haven’t heard about the kind of cells they are yet. They said 24-48 hours but I didn’t ask if that included weekends. Silly me.

It’s very important that I try to keep life as normal as possible for her. I learned this when they told me mom was dying. Don’t cry around her, don’t treat her differently then I always have, don’t mope and don’t let life be different, just make it normal. Make life as normal as possible. I will always be grateful to willie Killins, principal of Lancaster School for telling me that. He was a wonderful listener and he was right. Life must be as normal as possible.

When I check Coffees glands she is so used to the doctors checking them and them being biopsied that she just raises her head up and says look. You see when Coffee was a puppy the puppy book said teacher her how to critically think. What the puppy book didn’t tell you is that there is now nothing she can’t get open including a ziplock badge!

I cannot repeat this enough….over and over

YOU NEVER KNOW HOW STRONG YOU ARE UNTIL BEING STRONG IS THE ONLY CHOICE YOU HAVE

Today is Kathryn’s birthday. She has been gone 5 months. It’s so hard when you lose a good friend. My friends have always been my family and in the last two years I have I have lost two of them you know the friends you talk on the phone with everyday and shoot the breeze with, talk about the crumby days with, vent with, and all those other things friend do. I miss them both so much. Growing up on a farm I had my friends and my animals. I have lost both in the last six months and it has not been easy. I lost a Chocolate Chip pomeranian, Kathryn my fiend, Cosmo kitty and I have faced cancer with Coffee dog this week. Sometime I want to stay in bed and never come out.

Judy’s lake house. Kathryn is in blue.

I am trying so very hard to move on, get out of bed, keep myself Ina normal pace…….even though I am sleeping more. When I get really upset I get confused. You should have seen me try to coupon shop at Target! What a joke! I can’t isolate items, I can’t match coupons….when I get upset it makes all the brain injury symptoms more relevant than ever.

I told someone on a Facebook post that words were just words if you didn’t have anything kind to say, say nothing at all. Then I was reading a bargain bin book I got at Barnes and Noble called “Reinventing Yourself”. I thought since my career just stopped I could use to read this book. It has a quote in it that says

Words are not blown away by the wind but rather create realities. Search for words that help and do not nullify. Perhaps you’ll be surprised what begins to happen”

Maybe words are not just words and my comments were wrong.

I started doing little chairs, like for dolls. I put flower arrangement in them after I choose the color and the fabric covering for the pot. Those two things send me in the direction of the theme for the flowers.